Do you attract same kind of people or situations into your life? It is very common for us to find ourselves in almost the exact same scenario in terms of relationships just with a different person! These patterns can sometime hold us back from finding what we really want but sometimes we don’t even realise we are doing them or how they have come about. Awareness is the key to breaking them and freeing yourself up to find the relationship you really want.

To help explain types of patterns following are a few examples:

Only having long distance relationships

Never going for men/women you really want for fear of rejection so ending up with partners who have chosen you

Attracting men/women in to your life that are still in love with someone else and not ready for a relationship


Attracting men into your life with lack of certainty/ problems that you end up caring for and mothering, due to their lack of certainty they don’t give you any either so then you end up being a “pleaser” doing everything you can for them to try to get some inkling that they like you. You never get this though and the relationship ends up being one sided with all the focus and energy being on them.

So how to work out what your relationship patterns might be, if it is not so clear take a notebook and consider the following questions;

1. Look back over past relationships.....make a note of what happened in each. Are there any common themes?
2. How did they behave?
3. How did you behave?
4. How did they make you feel?
5. Why did it not work out?

Spend some time really looking for common themes in past relationships or dating encounters.

Patterns always have a benefit to us as well as a consequence so it is useful to work out what both of these maybe:

How has this pattern served you?

How has is affected you?

Do you want to allow this pattern to carry on in your life?

What do you choose for the future?

There is a theory that we attract and create our reality in our life through our own thoughts and what we put out there draws the people we meet into our lives. Like seems to attract like so it’s likely you will attract people who have the same issues. For example have you felt you needed to meet someone to boost yourself esteem but found the people you met have needed that too? Or perhaps you have still be hung up on an ex only to find the people you meet are also too in love with yours. The good news is that if you have dealt with any insecurities or issues you are likely to attract people who are also happy with themselves and their lives.

Here are some exploration questions to get you thinking about this;

What could it be that you are doing to attract these people/situations into your life?

What thoughts are you putting out there?

What are your beliefs around relationships?

What have you got in common with these people you are attracting?

What have you needed from meeting someone?

What are you getting from these situations that you feel you need?

Some relationship patterns are positive and they might really be working for you. However if you want to break it then awareness of the pattern and what you are doing to draw it into your life will help you do this;

What are the signs you could look out for to stop these patterns reoccurring?

Is there anything you need to let go of?

Is there anything to accept?

Do you have any negative beliefs that need obliterating?

An example of this could be, as above, if you are attracting men or women into your life with problems that you end up looking after then any time you meet someone who just talks about themselves and their issues then alarm bells will go off, and you get yourself out of that situation.

Good luck with discovering your relationship patterns (you can have a few) – it really can be quite transformational when you realise what you have been doing to create these situations in your life. It’s also very empowering!